The Don Bartlette Story (full version)

I am dr.Nonviolent I’m an enrolled Ellner of turn amount an Indian Reservation in North Dakota i down live in Ohio I’m a full-time public speaker talking about diversity and racism and Native American culture all over the world now and during that four forty five years my grew up in a small white community here in North Dakota not far from turn amount n’ my mother and limb and the turn amount of information but at the age of thirteen she ran away from Charlie meth pendulum if hominy hunger alcoholism bullying and she ran away looking for a new life and as she ran that in a small town in the Canadian border that’s where she met a french-canadian new American man who a very tall ninth round grew up in a situation of family violence hominy hunger malnutrition alcoholism and who noon man I never knew my father well nor his background I knew my mother more and she shared with me for many years when she went through and why she ran away from their information but as they met with their own hands they built a one-room log cabin up in the hills near that small white community and they were not welcome in community being native and in that small one-room log cabin where they had no electricity no running water a dirt floor they were very poor very lonely very hungry there went higher my father came here in Native American so we’re on welfare for a long time again the white welfare worker was not a woman who valued needed people and my father’s right now you’re a very determined not to help us and we should have and when I even in their life I had a severe facial infra Melanie called severe cleft palate and we were poor nobody really cared about them having a severely handicapped me that the doctor the white doctor told my mother you let me die because I mean never learned I never talk I mean we were Indian and we had no money why ain’t mumait me but my mother’s value life and many Native women knew she valued life and she hung on to me undone the white people found out from the doctor he called me a freak me and Amy I am on the medical report in a book I’m writing called macaroni at midnight and then that I talk about my birth my parents and the fact that the white people took me away sent me away from my mother my father had already run away he couldn’t handle having any fun he couldn’t love me the way he should have and something sent me to a hospital and their corn in the medical records I was in the hospital for several weeks before anybody did anything and nobody then anything intelliwhite university males Noo who was an intern in men of all happened to me there and when he asked about the Union made me not receiving any intervention only then they repaired my nose somewhat repaired me up and let they meant nothing with the home in the top of my mouth and sent me Matt and living my mother and I sharing my book and in a movie were working on called macaroni name that for nine years on her own on her own with our help from the wealth Malini with our help from that white community without help from her church my mother helped me survive in that one-room Shack going down in the village late at night this elf moon from the farmers I go down in the river and bring him at water and drop in the water down that hole to help me survive I should have had milk and orange infants at the end healthy nutrition we had none of that and so my mother had to fend for us my dad was in there and then she as a young cow again helping me learn about the world around me nature the leave fallen from the trains I’m running water putting my hand in the member and trying to help me understand the meaning of water and she taught me so much and I remember watching her and just looking at me all the time wondering why and top she merely valued me though I remember her holding me and loving me and all week telling me you know don’t worry one day don’t talk and one nail goes oh I didn’t know what that meant and for nine years I wasn’t allowed in school people have to remember that for nine years the answer - Melanie and my native parenting I was not allowed in the Catholic school that my mother was a member of I wasn’t allowing the public oh and trying some nine my mother found me wandering around that small community one day on my own and that bothered her very overprotective found me in the dump Brown claims and rats and eating the food swallowing the food from the dump written on the clothes and the white people and throwing away and out of her concern for me and out of her love and out of her hope for a future she took me to the Pearl you know and they were not allow me and I mean there was her church her faith they wouldn’t help her child because I’m what I represented and so she can dress and I knew from onion some really me hating me that my mother early in life for taking that risk now I promoted all them in the world she took the risk them believing in me in the point where she brought me here in the public all of all places where my people just weren’t welcome nor valued and then listen 1948 now and as I am a part of that elementary school I suffered racism bullying violence teasing being called smelling onion then used to call me Donald nothing in my first name in Arnold and I never knew who no not why I went there really I mean ain’t no not quack you ain’t no saint like what slight known flat nose and then used to hurt me a lot remember how my mother in the hand no saint my mother sent me back everyday and I tried to tell her you know but she didn’t know what was happening and so I went back and my mother wanted man she kept telling me you have to be oh I know you can learn I know you can learn but cheering the only one who believe that my teachers quite frankly and I don’t mean to be offensive and he wanted me honest they were horrible they rejected me classified me as meant when we trying to locked me in a janitor’s closet I was nine years old they locked me and then cannoneers o’clock me I don’t understand the human and the friend of mine teacher how do you knew that you’re a child they had the training of how to be a teacher and yet you’re a Native American child with an ephah Melanie that need not value there was not many value in them and I remembered me and in that clog gonna walk away from the other gentleman and there was a crack in the north and I could see enough eye watching the children go up in the blackboard and knew in math and all the other academic test and the teacher patent them on the shoulder and hand them apples and rewards and Here I am in a in a janitor closet wanting the same thing and wanting to learn and wishing I could but she never allowed that to happen and I want to emphasize the yen she went at church regularly she was a certified teacher they still honor her and in all fairness now that I’m an adult and now that I’m learned how to free him and survives and the help of God she was an excellent teacher as I look back the children loved here and my classmates when we had our 15 year high school reunion then remember her they remember her well and they had memory right from remembering that they loved and she loved them they were white I cannot sure that about her I am I have no respect for her my I learned nothing from her other than hate and racism and cheolmin learned that someone learned that locked away sent me any never went in the second ring that teacher friend I won’t have him we’re not talking to my mother no parental involvement at all they put me in a third grade my mother didn’t even know that and then when my third main teacher I remember her name I remember when your last night she told the gentleman just don’t look at him don’t play with him he I don’t want him in our school and they learn from her when they jumped me up in the hill and tied my hand or a tree and battered me Finlay and come the blood ran down to Mike illumit and then ran away laughing never home any money an old man from Hannah died honey right man and they used tool in three miles away and a hunter a colony why he walkins in the hill that night I’ll never know I believe it was an act from God and he found me untied in the rope I ran home and that was the night that I met my father on a personal level my father was tall and he was strong well-built and the women loved him even the white women problems from my mother but they loved him from the wrong reason my father had many affairs among the non name and the Ning and women and when he saw me and I could not talk and I couldn’t tell my mother how I got them one all over me he made me and he was an alcoholic and then full term alcoholic and then and aalam alcoholism offense name and non name people in the same way I learned that as a child because when he alcohol he treated me like the white Killman hitting me hurting me rejecting me and when my mother tried to prevent the violence she me momentum what we now call family violence and we had on every reservation an American had an ax yet today I knew a lot of speaking and training on every reservation American ana it’s no different it’s no different today showman and me and beaten miss Trina segregated Moline committing suicide I mean I’m in drug addicts and so he hurt me that night my mother tried no prevent the violence and her mana victim I saw her thrown out a window now for a young native child defendants mother throwing out a window that effects and learning ability his survival in things the anger within of the emotional damage and I began hating at that point my father which should not be a value among our people but when needing father’s hurt their children react emotionally in the damage and I hated my father for the rest of my life and his life until right before he died my neck another nori and so I ran away from the shack up in the hill I ran in that white community and I have all the policeman earrings in my book with him a juvenile delinquent am homeless he mainly tried to commit suicide in the river we have a river running through that small town don’t today Sweetman in white people erosion in their automobiles flinkman in the roman ring down in the park surviving on chocolate handy barnes night at midnight trying to be warm wanting to be safe from my father and as i am a homeless an election juvenile delinquents I mean some pretty mad choices and one of them one’s own madness cool honor my desire to learn I knew we had a library I remember alone in the library and me an Indian so I wrote in the library which I know I shouldn’t have done when I wanted to read and I love looking at pictures and wondering what they meant inside broke into the library book what back in my classroom and I wanted to be in the classroom and I want hears we know that we might react like we don’t want to learn but we’re only reacting in the damage and the loneliness and the hurt and the pain and the hunger showmen living in that environment don’t learn the same way in southern gentlemen might and and I’m wanting to learn and I want to meet that clear I always wanted to learn I was fascinated when I went in the dump and I found comic books and just wondering what are the pictures reflecting what any new and why are they running why am i smiling you know and then he’s fascinated me and my mother had a third-grade education from Colonel Mountain Reservation and she knew that about me she knew that I mean I mean inquisitive about I mean I was always pointing and leans you know falling in the ground I mean I’m wondering why didn’t he phone down we’re not up why did some water and run downhill not up you know and and I mean it’s always very hearing and so I broke into the library the library but went back to my classroom and fell asleep on the floor never thinking that one port efficient and I shared this with Native youth Homer American Haneda that the art decisions will determine the outcome of what we go through when I am waiting the next morning two white police members and anomer me and they had broken in installed on the library and they took me by my hair and I’m very open about this now I can talk about it or Oh 30-some years locked me in the trunk in their automobile a man whose racism and you can aren’t you and your racism locking a child and a trump today have a parent renew that then go at Princeton and they knew they jumping in the local in jail and when we went back in that small town you know you begin filming the movie when the movie producer took me Matt and in jail he said why are you shaking and I didn’t even know but I was shaking we can add and remember everything I went through that night and now we all essentially means Philippines racism on the police hany only love and they used the million love to do damage my body and then after removing my clothing when I never even knew about quite frankly called sexual abuse it was it was just and you have nightmares for years remembering this brings inside of me that I couldn’t cry out and I had no voice and the more they penetrated my body the more on you want it here the hill and that’s when the whole sensation of wanting him a me man deeper my mother had told me you know we should never heal well in mean anything to me until my father me had hurting me and then tell the police began raping me he is an awfully motion in the light from a twelve-year-old child we have the highest rate of suicide in America there’s no wonder that might be a boy I’m the higher 3 that’s why and I thought even more about suicide but when my father took me home and hurt me again I went in the wall and took the rifle and I want to kill my father like the young Native boy 12 years ago on the Red Lake reservation Minnesota he murdered I think the lemon people 9 or 11 people in Vernon relatives teachers and other adults who had miss Trina him he murdered them I understand their motivation I wanted you in the same Lane you know my own but that’s when my mother came back into my life and said we must never ever Hill and that’s also in the beginning my mother telling me about hope and I chairman young people that as a 12 year old child I had no hope for a future I hadn’t done imagined in my life ever changing I went it why wouldn’t it and my mother told me one day one nail never forget their one name and I love my mother I valued my mother met me quite frank I knew things wouldn’t change as long as my father were alive I wanted him dead and in resent in that moment in my adolescence or 12 years old unknown to me one of my white classmates in the elementary school had gone home for a long time telling her parents about Union boy and one day her mother son won’t Donna why do you show him some kindness we know a church every Sunday isn’t Donna told her mother he’s Indian even the teachers tell us not to look at him or play they knew and that really angered the white woman and even though a long time for her to hear what was happening to me more important than that was the fact that one moment there a note life Chetan signing and taking risk and macaroni at midnight with him the journey the story the memories I’m a white woman wealthy well-known prominent actually they owned the grocery store in a young prop money they live in a lovely home and one daughter she went Europe you know a moon she an and she’s the one who went home laughing about the Indian boy and one name the mother told the movie producer I just couldn’t sleep at night every time I read in the Bible I thought why am I not doing something in the Bible don’t know love all people show the love of God and all people and one nation took the risk and she came looking for me and men shimmering white shimmering white and when I saw her coming at me I assumed that she might hurt me why wouldn’t she I’m sure in white and that’s were the emotions that Native children develop come on earth and when I saw some of white I said telling the movie producer I’d never seen such a frightened child I literally moved away from her and I didn’t want her turning my ear like the nuttin in the program well I didn’t want her locked me and in cannoneer clock night I was a fearful and walked away from her and it took me years to write about that moment but I Holland the moment when change earned she came into my life that touched my hand and called me by my name call me by my name is meant done I’m not gonna hurt you don’t want to help you and I remember the end why I mean who is this and then when I done in filming now all over the world literally as a child I had an immediate truth and we have to make choices that you mean they in him or bother you but they knew effect what happened to us and so I made the choice to trust her for a moment and as I looked into her face I wonder if we knew her eyes were just filmed with gentleness her smile was compassionate she’s your friend I want to help you don’t be afraid of me but I wasn’t afraid of her I was afraid of her and she put her hand on mine again and she said when you like to help me first non-native person ever believing that I might be able to help or be helped even and I took my Hindley and it knows you’re talking about Jim when you help me watch my car how does a child growing up in a third-world environment understand what washing the car is when we never had one when never had one and how do you wash a car I mean then he’s so for him you’re an inner child the mind and cement she took my hand and I can’t around fasting on the outside of her home and I shared this know all them in the world and it brought humor into my childhood she showed me how to turn on the faucet and when we turned on the faucet running water him on her house I mean it yes I mean I was just blowing away I mean running water coming out about building and I tell me but now she jumped away from him it frightened her to see my reaction but they’re fighting her in the point where she won’t know why and that for every teacher should be thinking why is he afraid why didn’t that frightened him I mean she had no idea we didn’t have running water at that point she knew nothing about our one-room love a mansion never been there and no idea we had a dirt floor no idea then we had one man once known one name one your turn he knew nothing about harmony and when I jumped the way she said oh now don’t be afraid I know you and learn how to noona what none of my teachers that were sent to me I know you can learn I thought my mother’s coming there my mother told me that one day you’ll learn and so she took my honey and show me how to turn on the water show me how to wash her automobile four times in one afternoon and at that gym and he began to me saying Oh Donald Bartlett you are so much fun to be around and I thought wow why is she different than Miss so-and-so in the French train and then I share to make a long story short it was the white woman who revolutionized the world around me teaching me how to get your shower how that brush my teeth on my hair how to earn corners on the moment grass on to buy my own clothes and how to paint right here Hana marine and how to write when I talk to teachers I made that point very eminent she not being certified taught me on the read taught me on the right homeschooling and what we call in today charters woman perhaps it works and it works and I mean learned and I mean every spawned in there I began smiling I mean smelling cleaner and wondering wow this is a whole different life and she wants me to come back I wish you were alive and she told the movie producer she was a woman of comfort before she met me when I rained your door melon 4:00 in the morning and her hair and rolling why Donald I’m I’m not i well come on in you must be hungry and then she feed me AF na motivate me loving me and through her help and intervention I mean Hema learner in Amos learnin human taught me on his feet and macaroni at midnight talks about one night around the midnight hour when I went home a three years and being helped by the white woman and I made a sound after eating a bowl of macaroni and midnight that’s where I got the title for my book and through that intervention then she prepared me for receiving speech therapy and medical intervention 17 surgeries dental facial Canyon a speech intervention for six summers and him here in North Kona and it was that Kim when my whole self image and you evolve meme and more positively I mean when you learned on the top and you learned on to learn me and we’re not addressed when you weren’t on the shower and then they hired me at that summer camp and washed Harlan as a Missy boy when I earned money and it made me independent and there was that nice summer him I learned how to talk as my six years of intervention and they hired me and me a program director and that began my career in something work for 22 years in education for 20 juniors counseling my whole professional career began there and through that intervention and therapy went back to that small community she found a house in the village from my family we may Mindy Raina and they now say my father found employment through her help and when she shown the white people that she valued native people that began changing the community and they knew she was important prominent and had money and money tough money means power and I learned that from her and she used all of that positive way to make change in that community and their one change I have the me honor I have to be fair that community changed and then for me and I mean valedictorian every so again the racism she couldn’t overcome all of it they had to be fine valedictorians foreign whites turn-ins and then me because I was the first native to be valedictorian and this old born weren’t allowing so we had the daughter of the newspaper publisher the mayor’s daughter the School Board Chairman daughter and when they got in the fourth recipient being valedictorian she found how would that be we all happy his work and they mem right they had all copy my weren’t they in Cheney literally and I had helped them wrong choice I shouldn’t have done that I wanted to be effective and when you want to be accepting you knew things that may not be positive or fair I’m a melanin Orion and again through her intervention went on the three universities and I share now when I couldn’t talk about for a long time and I wasn’t proud a me and Ian in the only thing he never taught me as an educator tion or one was my Indian heritage and if I had any negative evaluation of her that was lonely BIA she just didn’t do that for me Slenderman learned the value of my heritage the way I could have in the classroom or human in her home although I learned from her that she found you Native people we’re never taught the money you know and so when I went to my nice a teacher Collins my freshman year she brought me there and helped me our college a lot I had a teacher there miss - Delilah ha fine white professor of English and I always knew well in English and I fell in her class and one nation after Christ has been mr.Martinez had called me mr.Martin and we were in Holland and that did woman away I’m hell low for a Native American to me showing me back mr.Martin Lee and I looked and I thought wow you had to remind me of a woman back home and she said are you Indian excellent you know she said mr.Bartlett I think you are I want in your special project for me and she gave me a bulk Crazy Horse I thought she was really quite friendly but I took them up back to my room and I thought it’s a muscle in your reason for her hearing about me and realize you want the white woman in my hometown had done for me why not you know make a choice we make choices native people so I mean it trying to let her come into my life and that’s why I read that book about arrangement horse I thought wow what he went through and what he became for our people what a leaner and just threw me away I mean blew my mind and I run a book report and she gave me a name she said um you are a writer and I love Donald Bartley you are a writer you know how to write I don’t have many units night you and that know how to write and that really propelled me and really built me up and made me feel like me I knew him what a white woman back home and some miss a sign and courage made me proud my name here and you didn’t happen right away I have for me onyx I never forgot crazy horns and that motivated me you’re a senior at VMI continued men I didn’t want to be rejecting my white people and so I went in the University of North on them and my not eighteen year callings tell me that I would never become a teacher and my a speech impediment and then I am an educator for 22 years and being Indian they wouldn’t hire me to me a teacher then so onto my suspension I wrote a letter and the white woman back home I says I know how many University don’t a new University you might want to be assumption work and you do so well and summer him and went you and me went in the Assumption work and that just propelled me as a positive noo on hemp men never at Menon I’m Union I wanted to make that clear I could not know any money at you and me and then didn’t have the program and then than they am now and I may have been one of the only few if any naina Moonen on em I know I felt very alone because um where my skin and when am lacks you know men like we have now so I felt very much alone and my speech impediment really weren’t against my self concept at the university but I need some well in social work I’m aim a leaner among the skinnin and then I mean a man on campus I won academic honors out ending social work senior president him so humor glove and I want young people would know you have that ability but again you have four make choices and I hadn’t to meet the new I wanted me a leaner one of they find out and I’m in me and I always feared that all the way through there you know why didn’t they find out that I’m Indian they knew a lot of people knew I just never confronted me and never shared that with me so I did very well in university went on yet my master’s degree at fargo academically won all the honors became pregt the first councilman clement got my pee in California and I use macaroni at midnight for my thinking by the way and they are no using my thesis from California to teach teachers how to help minority Coleman in the classroom I find that amazement anyhow and as I began my professional career I decided to work with showman of never phony I mean no wonder why I never and then I met my wife who happened to be a white woman from a gentlemen and family very wealthy millionaire family in Detroit Michigan her father was I had no gentleman and very powerful in Newsweek all the time Ronald Reagan opponent he have no Nixon appointed him to a Federal Advisory through I mean they were prominent and wealthy wealthy people but my wife resent the University of Michigan own industry education and that was my forte and she heard about my recommendation I’m working with menorah and gentlemen the famil Tillman team into my office when Nathan mr.Barkley I’m trying to earn my dreams that’s when she came to my I knee and I bind her I mean a mentor will you be my supervisor I said well who are you so what I learned about her family her background the money who they were I said absolutely and there was that moment I knew I wanted to marry her when the wrong reasons my wife was going in there I knew not marrying her on a lump sum I didn’t know how to love and then I wanted the money I wanted the whiteness I wanted the culture the she represented I wanted her father’s name behind mine I wanted camera moanings I wanted all of that and she would tell you even more frankly than me she respected me professionally and in her rebellion against him rather races narrow my new Christian biblical principle that her family believed in through a Baptist orientation shimmy bellman and then their rebellion she decided you marry me and when we marry autumn rebellion a - on a different level than her and when they were young rebellion and I won the battle I won the mantle but through her rebellion she never forgot her God and her faith she meant never prejudice like her family she was not narrow-minded like her family she was not Baptists her thing than her family she had a love of all people and when she began learning for me how to be a teacher I thought in her she fell in love with minority Killman black showmen that she had never been around she began changing their lives through my mentoring and we began working the other in fact we got married and had a black minority mentally child in our home as a foster child odd hernán you don’t do that and her family would chest they were violently opposed and they told her you’re not welcome back in our home it’s all new have a glass child and your family and that your furniture my rebellion and merely her rebellion although she loved her family she loved them with the love that I never had in him right before they dying and I wasn’t a Christian I wasn’t a man of faith I didn’t understand any of that then but for six years we weren’t me gathering with him EF German minority Coleman of diversity all kinds in the Marigny and then at the age of 34 my wife sent me one day why do you hide you in and I sent I don’t hide my hand what are you not in the mouth I’m not hiding anything why do you here anyway who do you think you are another man a white woman she went on I am your wife I care less it’s all about the money made me and then Jimmy hadn’t realized that my moanings were very angry and they were I heard her I heard her first gentleman showman who had been hurt and gentlemen become child abusers and I didn’t hurt my friends at you gentlemen I regret that with all my heart when I was an alcoholic running away from who I was who I wanted to me and through the love of my wife through her intervention when I’m in 34 she said done I hear about you I’m valuing you have so much and off in the world but you hurt and you hurt your family and she had her and my sent another unknown to me she hurries my Fenton on and come up to me one day and my Nonna’s and Dan I hate you for her Nina and I hope you die and those were the same words I had thought about when I tried to kill my father I hate you and I hope you know and that just triggered change in my heart and I looked at my wife from how do I change no this was all I know she went well you might want to learn about God and so I mean a choice and I know a lot of my people resent me because I don’t follow the traditional form of Neiderman Lincoln I remember in the news never had anything to do with it and I’m not saying I don’t respect you I promote it I hope showmen will make a choice to honor the creator in whatever way will help them survive positively my choice ones except her idea of a Christian God and I didn’t and I am a man of faith I’m yet changing romantically and Here I am a German leaner a heel marriage my tune on earth my abused loving me and one of them mailed me a license link from California yestiny seen Turner Mountain Chippewa so through all of that I mean helping my children value life value our native heritage value all people we have a multicultural family all anime and gentlemen are married we have a Jewish member in our family we have a black midnight son-in-law we have a Native American son-in-law we have a Polish son-in-law we and on the other way a hillbilly son-in-law he told me make sure I mention that and then all the others were just clean own generic white people then we have a multi functional family 17 grandchildren and they’re all learning about their Native American heritage their Jewish heritage they’re all learning about that through not Martley and I promote that and every way I can with our family all I might showing them traveling with me they I’m all heard back running at midnight they know where I come from and they know why I want to be the person I am and they value that all of them have been involvement fronting on powwow like truth with me promoting native soon wearing the entire of my grandchildren and not wait I mean part of my lecture you know from we noon that a lot with our grandchildren and all of my son-in-law and one daughter in-law and they all value who we are there they were all honored your marrying our family and for me I mean I’m here so overwhelming they have eight in lungs who respect me for who I am and what I am and what I wanted me and they all promote the Native American the earnings and now the black American arrogance and the poem was heard in you know the cements instantly macaroni at midnight most importantly of all a new honor Sharon closing that when I am a man of faith I had to make a lot of choices and the most important choice ones how do I handle the hurt in the heat within the child the nine-year-old child always remains the new adult and on the name we die I am that nine year old Kyle there are moments like when I was in the shower in this morning I’m remembering the white woman teaching me how to take a shower you don’t for you nothing at the impact and that’s when I share and you can earn everything you knew and we touch any momentum anger we remember that and I remember when I am a man of faith in that and the white woman showed me love Miha find that - she showed me respect and my wife showed me survival how to survive more positively and so I began thinking about all the people who hurt me my teachers the policeman classmate my father and my father was the last one I three game before he dying and that took me years it took me years I met people this morning at the North Dakota Indian an ancient summit I met people here who are native and they told me privately that they haven’t forgiven their father yet if from pain ten years heal from that one gentleman native ailment in a that he have never shared part of my journey he can’t count her Mountain and he’s not ready to talk about it and so I forgave my father I happened to me on the radio taught me here 91 million people when they sharing macaroni at midnight and the interviewer on the Iranian program friend dr.Bartman when you mind talking about your Dan and Mamie a man from Yemen him and he said I have a feeling that’s the part of your journey that you need to heal from why not try it I mean tens of my respect from the radio host on worldwide Rainey oh I sent the one thing I wanted knew before I die I want to free him my I really knew I loved him I miss him I wish him to me a part in his life unknown to me my father mcian in the hospital in North Dakota where I had my first operation takuma eat hails I’m a journey but not there recognize my voice and knew who I was and you know I’m fairly well known now in North honey he went into my father’s room and sent mr.Bartlett and your son is on the radio talking about you and he wants to frame you and eminently my dance and well I don’t know what you’re talking about and the doctors run well from what I understand I knew andi’m had a hard time in life but he is forgiving you on the radio and he wants you in died a happy man and the doctor told him about God and my father am a man of faith and right before he died he told my end I am a son he was on the radio talking about me even not my son isn’t nothing and when I found that now years later I didn’t know about that for four years I had no idea he died knowing that I had forgiven him I knew not known that for four years and when I am finally took the risk I’m telling me that he called me a son that just changed my whole ideation about fatherhood and I miss him and I tell young people all over the world and they we need to honor our parents no matter how hard the journey is when you know on their family so important in Maidan culture and non-union culture this is not this is not only some not many people I am so non-native people years every time I share many people come up to me and they say how I wish how I wish and so I’m happy I feel well so many seminars old I love being an owner and when we have a powwow I eat before anybody else my people honored me as an owner and they say I am with them and experience in itself apart a made of culture and there’s a valuable part when you honor our elders and I’m proud to me a donor I’m proud of me an enrolled member now I’m turning out and I’m in back there I’m smoking at their graduation ceremony I am a bike from the turn amount of people now I have a license lane I’m proud and I’m happy to me who I am today